A couple of weeks ago, several media outlets reported that the latest Star Trek movie had been taken off Paramount’s schedule. This news came as a surprise to precisely no one. Quentin Tarantino’s previous pitch had already been abandoned, and this version had already lost its director. And so we find ourselves, dear readers, without an upcoming Trek film once again. And I have to say, I don’t care.
Neither does this guy
I present to you a rant entitled “Star Trek Beyond Stupidity.” In it, YouTuber “The Critical Drinker” proceeds to absolutely and savagely destroy the most recent movie, Star Trek Beyond. I must warn you there is heavy profanity in this video.
Beyond was already four years old when this video was made, and this video was made in 2020. One can only guess why this YouTuber was so bored that they felt like recapping four-year-old films. Oh yeah, it was 2020. ‘Nuff said.
For what it’s worth, I enjoyed this film in a sort of “turn off your brain” kind of way, which I think it is how it was intended to be enjoyed. Because yes, there are plot holes big enough to drive a truck through and way too much convenient stuff happens for it to have any sort of real feeling of tension. But I was ok with that then, and I’m ok with that now.
The movie that may never happen
The largely unnamed Star Trek 4 was said to have revolved around a way to close up the timeline split that happened in the 2009 movie. In that film, a new timeline was started because of a bald, angry dude from the future who was trying to go back and punish Spock. Not the most unique idea, but I still think that film was among the best because it used the reboot very well.
In this latest film, Chris Hemsworth was rumored to return as Kirk’s dad, dead in the movie’s continuity but very much alive in the universe of the original series. Somehow, after many shenanigans ensue, the branched-off timeline would end and we would all live happily ever after. Except that’s probably not how parallel universes work. But let’s not dwell on that right now. It would serve as a metaphor to a public desperate to feel like the last several years were just a dream. And it might have actually been good.
Chances are we’ll never know. I suspect this film will never be made. And as I said, I’m probably ok with that.
The Trek we have
It’s hard to remember, but there was a time when Paramount’s executives thought that Star Trek and Mission: Impossible were just played-out TV shows. They’re the key to Paramount’s whole empire now, of course. There are no fewer than five Trek shows on Paramount+ in a year. There’s something for everyone. And it brings up a real truth about Trek.
Star Trek, more than Star Wars, is an episodic entity. It’s at its best when we are experiencing the everyday lives of its characters. Yes those lives are full of adventure, but it’s the sort of adventure that most of them survive. Then they come back again the next week. That’s how it was envisioned. Series creator Gene Roddenberry drew from his experiences in the Navy, where months of tedium sometimes turn into moments of terror, and then back. There’s time for growth and reflection. Shoving all of that into a two-hour theatrical running time sort of misses the point.
The next movie…
If there even is a next movie, I hope that it starts with new characters, just as the TV shows have. Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are iconic, but they’ve been covered. If there’s going to be a new blockbuster, give it some new names.
