FUN FRIDAY: They haven’t replaced me yet

I think at one point or another we have all worried about losing our jobs to machines. After all, in our grandparents’ day most factories were full of people. Modern factories have traded people for industrial robots. Still as capable as those robots are, they can’t take the place of most forms of labor. Maybe someday, but not today.

In order to illustrate my point, I have shamelessly stolen this article from Gizmodo. It’s been around a few years but it’s still pretty much on point. Go check out the original if you want, or follow some of the links in this list, but basically you won’t get far. This is a list of 99 jobs that we have been told at one point or another would be obsolete. After all, the robots would come in and take our jobs and do it all, leaving us in a state of economic freefall and total dependence. Of course at that point the robots would rise up and enslave us. Luckily it seems like that’s a little while away.

1. Robots were supposed to replace school teachers.
2. Robots were supposed to be professional boxers.
3. Robots were supposed to pay taxes.
4. Robots were supposed to write screenplays.
5. Robots were supposed to shoot us with our own guns.
6. Robots were supposed to commit suicide.
7. Robots were supposed to cause humans to commit suicide.
8. Robots were supposed to make war obsolete by fighting our battles for us without any human casualties.
9. Robots were supposed to travel around restaurants to collect the bill.
10. Robots were supposed to replace our pet dogs.
11. Robots were supposed to follow the milkman everywhere.
12. Robots were supposed to have machine guns for heads.
13. Robots were supposed to be your friends forever.
14. Robots were supposed to tend crops on the sea cities of the future.
15. Robots were supposed to help us remove our coats.
16. Robots were supposed to have sex with “romantic old maids.”
17. Robots were supposed to be movie theater ushers.
18. Robots were supposed to create a 20-hour work week.
19. Robots were supposed to look like Cary Grant and be great in bed.
20. Robots were supposed to eat dead people on the battlefield.
21. Robots were supposed to scrub all our pots and pans.
22. Robots were supposed to help men shave in the morning.
23. Robots were supposed to greet us in department stores.
24. Robots were supposed to go to the supermarket for us.
25. Robots were supposed to cook and serve your breakfast.
26. Robots were supposed to terrorize musicians.
27. Robots were supposed to bathe our kids.
28. Robots were supposed to farm the devastated earth after a nuclear apocalypse.
29. Robots were supposed to cut our hair.
30. Robots were supposed to become police officers.
31. Robots were supposed to automate all of our fast food restaurants.
32. Robots were supposed to save people after earthquakes.
33. Robots were supposed to have dapper mustaches.
34. Robots were supposed to be our guard dogs.
35. Robots were supposed to drive our cars.
36. Robots were supposed to drive our boats.
37. Robots were supposed to operate our trains.
38. Robots were supposed to play on the beach.
39. Robots were supposed to deliver our jumpsuits.
40. Robots were supposed to give Nazi salutes.
41. Robots were supposed to compete in the Olympics.
42. Robots were supposed to replace all human jockeys.
43. Robots were supposed to help fly fighter jets like R2-D2.
44. Robots were supposed to be better at sex than humans.
45. Robots were supposed to help us explore distant planets.
46. Robots were supposed to answer the phone.
47. Robots were supposed to pick oranges.
48. Robots were supposed to sell us kitchen knives.
49. Robots were supposed to clear the table.
50. Robots were supposed to become door-to-door salespeople.
51. Robots were supposed to terrorize the countryside with chemical weapons.
52. Robots were supposed to help us pick out our fruit at warehouses.
53. Robots were supposed to play cards with us.
54. Robots were supposed to all talk to each other Skynet-style.
55. Robots were supposed to have boyfriends.
56. Robots were supposed to serve us Italian food in Tokyo.
57. Robots were supposed to serve us Chinese food in California.
58. Robots were supposed to decorate our Christmas trees.
59. Robots were supposed to replace Santa’s reindeer.
60. Robots were supposed to play William Tell.
61. Robots were supposed to sing songs about computers.
62. Robots were supposed to ride around on roller skates.
63. Robots were supposed to hunt down humans for being inferior.
64. Robots were supposed to carry our drinks.
65. Robots were supposed to replace the American housewife.
66. Robots were supposed to direct an orchestra.
67. Robots were supposed to be in every American home.
68. Robots were supposed to enslave humanity.
69. Robots were supposed to adjust our “screenwalls.”
70. Robots were supposed to be our personal shoppers.
71. Robots were supposed to smoke cigarettes.
72. Robots were supposed to populate our theme parks.
73. Robots were supposed to become “Supermen” and replace humanity.
74. Robots were supposed to help kids with their homework.
75. Robots were supposed to help us escape the ruined city we once called home.
76. Robots were supposed to drive buses.
77. Robots were supposed to perform in dancing chorus lines.
78. Robots were supposed to punch us in the face.
79. Robots were supposed to become implanted in our pets.
80. Robots were supposed to load artillery shells.
81. Robots were supposed to be kings by the year 2000.
82. Robots were supposed to take a lot of abuse without crying.
83. Robots were supposed to have little baby robots.
84. Robots were supposed to walk around as paint mixers.
85. Robots were supposed to toil in our fields.
86. Robots were supposed to serve tea.
87. Robots were supposed to squeeze our orange juice for us.
88. Robots were supposed to tell jokes.
89. Robots were supposed to be talking with Walt Disney’s frozen head.
90. Robots were supposed to drive around our living rooms on three wheels.
91. Robots were supposed to become “household slaves.”
92. Robots were supposed to run our warehouses.
93. Robots were supposed to fly.
94. Robots were supposed to put everyone out of work.
95. Robots were supposed to be everywhere on the highway.
96. Robots were supposed to prepare meals to our exact specifications.
97. Robots were supposed to mow our lawns.
98. Robots were supposed to pull off their heads and become the sickest drum set you’ve ever seen.
99. And by 2076, robots were supposed to run for president.

And, although I think the article fairly covered things, I’ll add more: Robots were supposed to steal our pills. What do I mean? This is one of my favorite SNL sketches, and it doesn’t get nearly the credit it deserves. Not only is it absolutely a perfect recreation of those predatory insurance commercials (which we still have) but the acting from the seniors is much higher quality than it needs to be. Take a look for yourself.