FUN FRIDAY: Star Wars Episode VIII… never too early to start

OK, so I went about 6 weeks without a total Star Wars geekout. Can I get some credit for that?

I was reading io9’s list of things they want for Episode 8, and it got me thinking about my own list. Hey, why should they get all the fun? So here are some of my thoughts:

Some time to breathe: I loved Episode 7 but I was so still during it, so focused, that my activity tracker thought I was asleep. The film never gave me any time to breathe or focus before it took me on another ride. Sometimes having a slow moment really makes it possible to enjoy the fast ones.

Something to think about that isn’t midichlorians. I don’t want pseudoscience explanations like I got in Episode 1, but I would like to have some idea of how the Star Wars universe works that makes some consistent sense.

Someone invents something new. One of the hooks of Star Wars is that technology is really stable and mature so old stuff still works and people don’t throw it away. But what if someone invented something really new, something that wasn’t there before like teleportation? What would be the ramifications of the light side or the dark side being able to pop in and out?

Force Ghosts I know, they’re kind of a copout but given how important Force Ghosts were in Episodes 5 and 6, I’d like to see them back. There was a very quick and sketchy explanation of why there weren’t any in the prequels, but by now there should be a few rolling around and maybe they could show up a little.

At least one whackjob theory ends up being true. There’s a lot of speculation about the open ended nature of some of what we saw in Episode 7 and I’d like at least one of these things to be true:

  • Captain Phasma is a sleeper agent who was activated when Finn threatened her. That’s why she rolled over so easily and lowered the shields.
  • Rey is Ben Kenobi’s love child.
  • When Vader died, his soul split in two, which is why we see pre-Vader Anakin at the end of Episode 6. The Vader part became Supreme Leader Snoke, who is really a Force Ghost.
  • The First Order is trying to clone Anakin to make a new clone army of super-force-wielding soldiers.
  • “Lieutenant Connix,” played by Carrie Fisher’s daughter Billie Lourd, will kill General Organa for some reason because that’s what kids do in that universe, they kill their parents.

Someone loses a hand. Again, because that just happens way too often.

Finally… my other wish is that someone gets some Brasso or whatever they have over there and polishes Threepio’s red arm so it’s not red. It was never really explained why it had to be red other than to sell a bunch of Threepio toys to people who already had toys with two gold arms.

What about you? Do you have your own hopes for the movie, which opens in December, 2017? Or did you kind of wish I’d just shut up about it?

About the Author

Stuart Sweet
Stuart Sweet is the editor-in-chief of The Solid Signal Blog and a "master plumber" at Signal Group, LLC. He is the author of over 8,000 articles and longform tutorials including many posted here. Reach him by clicking on "Contact the Editor" at the bottom of this page.